INHK

Happy 19th Birthday, my dearest :)

I hope you're happy when I surprised you by waiting for you to end your lessons eh?
I hope the smile on your face that night when you saw me is from the bottom of your heart.

You never know how happy I was when I saw you smile so sweetly.

Sorry when I became abit emotional when we were on car back home, becus I thought you felt uncomfortable with me around with your friends.

And I felt so loved when you asked for birthday kiss.

HAHAHHA (-.-)

Just to tell you, I really love you, henduohenduo,

I thought i'm not affected..

After i listened to 丁噹 - 你為什麼說謊, suddenly just got so..

on the 17th, you told me "I cant countdown with you again, tmr duty.."

I felt so sweet, cus you remembered that it had been so long.

So, stupidly, I thought you might celebrate 19th with me on the actual date, where you're having off day.

Who knows... you told me just now about all you did on 19th.

What I did was tonning at chalet becus I dont want to spend it alone, you get it?

20th, today. You told me "We celebrate on monday instead k.."

But you fell asleep last night outside, today wake up ard 3+ you just go out eat with them..

Apologies? No.

You say to celebrate on 23rd. How trustworthy are you?

No more empty promises.. ke yi mah?

Why cant I feel loved..

Too dumb too stupid too retarded too whatever-that-is-bad.

WHY DO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SUCHA BITCH LAH FYOU.

whenever you're not around.

Somehow I wished you could read this small space here and understand what ive been through.

It may seemed kinda.. "Oh man she's starting these craps again.." but thats really what i feel.

Are you really that busy till you cant pick up your phone? Other days understandable.. Today?

When you're not driving today..

"Where's the jiana who feels so happywappy whenever thrs __?"

I really want to hug you and cry it out.

you're amazing, just the way you are.

I wish you're here with me, cus tmr im having stupid POM exammmmmm.

It started fine this afternoon where i began with the remaining questions for FA, then some chapters for POM.. and hehe and ended up playing my itouchie and singing.

I wish you're here but you'll neglect me by either sleeping/fm-ing.

Not being sad today becus the exam feeling is more than that.

But still.. I'm bothered about the fact that you told me you're not meeting me cus you'll be packing, but there you are.. outside happy w them.

And im stuck in this space here.

It's 1158pm now and I told myself to start recapping my POM at 11pm :)

Pray hard i'll wake up on time for exam and do WELL tmr.

Okay it's 1200 am now i'm going back to POM!

im hungry :/

忽冷忽热

you're always the one i think of before i sleep.

you're always the one i think of when i wake up.

always, everyday.

you're always so busy.

im having exams next 3days, thats why i told you im not meeting you tmr.

i thought i'll be the one telling you this and you'll be like "Huh.. okay :( nvm lucky i got off day! "

But i heard "I not meeting you tmr cus ... but you still can come.." from you.

So now it's my turn to huh okay... nvm lucky you got off day.

im so fucking paranoid.

seriously sometimes i just NEED THAT.

ITS BEEN SO FUCKING LONG IVE HEARD IT EVEN THOUGH I TOLD YOU BEFORE AND WE QUARRELED THEN YOU SMS TELL ME THAT BUT STILL ITS NOT FROM YOUR HEART.

FUCK LAH SOMETIMES IM JUST SO FUCKED UP BITCH.

am i so not worth those?

am i so lousy..

STAND THERE AND WATCH ME BURN.

I JUST CANT OMG THIS SUCKS TO THE MAXIMUM MAX.

there's always gna be that one person, that no matter how many times they hurt you, you're never gna let them go.

you're that.

Life

A BOY GAVE A CHALLENGE TO HIS GIRLFRIEND TO LIVE A DAY WITHOUT HIM.

NO COMMUNICATIONS AT ALL AND HE SAID THAT IF SHE PASSED IT,

HE’LL LOVE HER FOREVER.

THE GIRL AGREED.

SHE DIDN’T TEXT OR CALL HIM THE WHOLE DAY,

WITHOUT KNOWING THAT HER BOYFRIEND HAD ONLY 24 HOURS TO LIVE BECAUSE HE’S SUFFERING FROM CANCER.

SHE EXCITEDLY WENT TO HER BOYFRIEND’S HOUSE THE NEXT DAY.

TEARS FELL AS SHE SAW HER BOYFRIEND LYING ON THE COFFIN WITH A NOTE ON THE SIDE SAYING,

‘YOU DID IT, BABY. NOW, CAN YOU DO IT EVERYDAY? I LOVE YOU.’

dont love, goodbye will always come.

blogging once again becus im feeling so... sad.

asking if you're still going overseas in the future and the answer was 'should be'.

you asked, why? she bu de wo ah?

what do you think?

sorry i cried silently.

i always thought we could be as long as ever.

"If my future has you in it, I'm not afraid of the rest."

now my future don't have you.

i always wish things are simple.

if only i could hug you tight and not let you go.

this suck like fuck.

dont love. goodbye will always come.

what about love

Blogging now becus ive read one of my girls' blog and i realised everyone in our group change.

Change and changed and changing.

It's hurtful that you dont love us anymore(you get what i mean by love),

you're hurt by us and so do us, hurt by what you did.

eventually i think everyone is the world is a faker.

so do i.

well thats the thing that he's trying to teach me and i think im still learning.

well i hope things are fine like how it is now, i wont change how it is.

you know the feeling of getting rejected when you plan something.. thats what happen during sec3 i guess, experienced the same thing as you did yknow, thats why i'll never plan anything.

unless it's like those people i really know will never disappoint me.

sometimes it just so sad that i realised that even new friend understand me better.

other than the one who's been through with me for 2years and 3months.

i miss the innocent us.

side track, thankyou for always being there.

even though i always make you upset and stuffs, yknow i love you.

ttn ttb 2b 4gb xmm xcc bb (it's okay you dont understand)

im sorry to be so dependent on you.

i can really use a wish right now...

haven't been blogging for the past few days cause im damn reluctant to on the comp!
especially when there's FA test on last tuesday, many tutorials left undone, projects to rush..

now im back in my blogging world! :D

so im feeling abit down now bcus i think im having my moodswings.

yesterday and today.

i can never make it.

to my DHL

to my dip w merit,

aiya alot things that i dont want to be reminded of.

wonder what turns me to sucha pessimistic person now.

gna work later with bu, idk if it's good or not!

but able to look at him... should be okay bah?

pray hard.

我喜欢装笨，扮可怜就只为了逗你笑。

我喜欢拥有属于自己的肩膀和胸口。

我喜欢有人会为我而牺牲。

我喜欢每时每刻都念着一个人。

我喜欢甜言蜜语。

我喜欢被疼爱。

我喜欢有一个人占领我的心。
-credited to someone's blog. forgot the url though..

i need some hugs now.

baby love.

Yesterday night was great, cause aft work was...

ecp supper w bu & co., then rochor daohuey, then amk for soccer, then to bu' house!

speaking about bu & co., reminds me of cy doing the Agnes' action!
the " Does it count as annoying (hits cheeks)"
I actually find cy cute hahahahhahaha!

anw offtrack. ytd was something like... Dreams come true.

LOL exaggerating, but he fulfilled my wishes in a day! :D

my cravings for stingray, my wish to go rochor w him, watch soccer w him,

and spending time w him.

ALL DAY/NIGHT long.

bubu i think you'll be reading this aft you read my diary to know that im back to blogging!

so, thankyou for all, i love you (L)

it's okay that you cant say that to me otherwise you're not called Ivan.

Hughug*

OK LAST MATCH HOLLAND VS SPAIN.

my bu is gonna win money! now it's 1140pm, approximately 2+ hours later!
gonna do something now...

me love watching/hugging you t sleep!

don't be silly.

Today's friday = bu's book out day!
not meeting him anyway, and also since im looking at him the whole day and night tmr,

and also sunday's afternoon!
hmmmm he's going to POP soon! :D

Despicable Me is sucha cute movie! i love those characters lehhh idk whats their names.

but still, very nice :)
anw was looking for formal wear, but like abit.. hard to find!
hmmm.

tmr's another match!

i miss talking to you on the phone..

Agnes (Despicable Me)

I'ma happy girl today because there's no quarrels today with bu..

and am super happy after watching Despicable Me's Agnes' video!

SO DAMN CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Okay school was fine, except that tday there's no ednaveravanessa o.o
i hope you're feeling okay now edna! :D

Germany v Spain later, exciting yohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhz.
Gonna see bu winning money later! :D

he wins money = good mood = good for me = no quarrels

HAHAHAH gonna talk to him now... hope there's no quarrels.

FUCK YOU.

i'm back to blogging, because i think i need some personal space to rant.
had been quarreling with bu these few weeks, pissing both of us off.
and yah we just quarreled few minutes ago.

never ending, huh?

thanks for saying i'm SUPER DISGUSTING.
I'm jealous for other couples, where they are so comfortable with each other.
but for us, for every word you and i say, we must be careful not to hurt each other.

it's 1030 and you should have your lights off soon.

off to pick up phone....

back, and yes i pop that question again.

there's no way i can change. i'm never worth all these.

I CANT BLOODY-LY CHANGE ALL THESE CHILDISH FUCKING THINKINGS I HAVE AND ITS PISSING BOTH OF US OFF I THINK IM BETTER OFF DEAD AND YOU'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME

FUCK SIA.